The guy who is in a hurry, right?

By Michelle
Archived at:08/17/2010 02:08:11 pm

So there I am, at the Seven eleven on Troost, right? And I was talking to my friend Kevin about all the things that are like, totally going on in my life right now. And he tells me, that, like, all of this sounds waaay to familiar and stuff, and that, somehow I am like actually a million people, and then he called me Sickly! Can you like, even fucking imagine that? That's so totally olde English, or something? So I told Kevin to that he's an asshole and flashed my boobs at him.

And then he said something about hating him because he thinks that I don't like Jews or something, and I told him that my dad was Jewish, and that so is my lawyer Mr. Shipiro, and that if he didn't shut up, that I would like have mr. Shipero beat him up in a back alley or something, because that's what lawyers do, right? But then I remembered that I'm a good Christian, and that Jesus would never have anyone beat up by a Jewish lawyer or anything, and I just said, like pffft, whatever, right?

And then I said that those were like, the hottest boobs he would ever get to see because he's got this really nasty lazy eye, that's like, ew, and he offered me some clonipin and said I had some kind of mental disorder. So then I flashed my boobs at him again, and he shut the fuck up. Sometimes, like... it's waaay too easy.

Then I met up with my sis Salome, and we were looking at these huge houses in Johnson county by the golf course, and there's this awesome one right across the street from that hot old guy with the creepy eyeses house. And I'm like... woe, Salome, I think this is TOTALLY the hottest house ever. Y'know? The only problem with it, was that none of the walls were painted pink or anything because nasty old right people used to live there, but Salome totally thinks that we can get the boys to do it for us.

But you know the best part?

There was this big van across the street, over at the hot old guy's house, and it had this huge red elephant on the side of it? And I'm like, hey Salome, look at that van, isn't totally hot? And she's like, woe, that sooo has to be someone important, or something? So we ran across the street and we met the guy. Oh man, I like, can't remember his name or anything, but he seemed like he was in a real hurry to get to his conservative radio show in Power and Light, right? And I'm like, oh muh god! My mom so totally worshiped that guy. And then like, Salome started talking about how big of a liberal she's going to be this year when she votes for the first time, and their body guards took us away from the van, and said that like only registered republicans are allowed near the guy who's in a big hurry, or something?

Luckily, I had my voting card in my purse, and got to show it to them, and I got to meet him. But he kept talking like he was god or something, and that he was going to own the hot old guy's house, and I'm like NO WAY, guy who's always in a hurry or something. I know hot old guy, and I don't think he is going to give you his house. Right? Then he's uh huh, and I'm like, nuh uh. And he's like uh huh, and I'm like nuh uh. And then he says the hot old guy is dead, and I was really sad.

I really liked that t-shirt that I left in his pool!